All the Feels

The emotional upheaval of new motherhood can run the gamut from joy and exuberance to depression and anxiety – sometimes even on the same day.

The emotional changes that come with motherhood can be related to hormonal shifts, but they may also be related to relationships – with your baby, your partner, and yourself. People will ask if you have an ‘easy’ baby – and it makes the transition to motherhood more emotionally fulfilling if your baby has a pleasant temperament. In one study (Hickey et al 2019), a third of new parents reported stress with their new role, especially with integrating baby care into their lives. For almost 20 percent of these parents, the stress was moderate. And the same proportion had worries about their baby’s behaviors. So, you’re not alone if you’re having trouble adjusting to motherhood.

Your relationship with your partner will change – not just related to childcare but related to intimacy and family dynamics. You’re not just a couple anymore, but a family of three (or more if you have multiples). Your postpartum hormonal shifts affect your libido, too. Intimacy may not be at the top of your priority list and this can create some relationship tension. More than that, your division of responsibility may have shifted, and you may not like the divide. The way you perceive the fairness of who is doing what – from household chores to childcare – determines how you feel about your partner (Chong and Mickelson, 2016). And this can be subjective and changeable, leading to dissatisfaction from both sides. Learning to communicate your needs, and listen to your partner's needs, will help.

New motherhood may come easily to you – as if it’s what you’re meant to do – or it might be a true challenge to your self-identity. The way you adapt to your role change is multi-faceted. It will depend on your relationships, your sense of self-worth, your body image, your exposure to babies before the birth of your own, your adaptability, and so much more. There’s no one character trait that can prepare you for the transition to motherhood.

What we know is that women do best when they have support. Some women will choose to blog or join online forums with other mothers, finding community in a largely anonymous community of like-minded individuals online. As we’ve seen above, a supportive partner makes a huge difference, especially if you’re breastfeeding. Your healthcare provider can also be a resource. They were there throughout your pregnancy and know your childbearing history. They can help you find resources in your own area to connect you with the help you need – whether it’s just a playgroup or a therapist.

If you’re feeling truly unhappy and cannot find any joy in parenting, reach out. Postpartum depression is real and it’s treatable. It doesn’t necessarily mean taking medications – interpersonal therapy is a great option for most women. But breastfeeding-compatible medications can also be added to help you get through this difficult time. One of the best resources for postpartum mood disorders is Postpartum Support International.

​​​​​​​The emotional upheaval of new motherhood can run the gamut from joy and exuberance to depression and anxiety – sometimes even on the same day. Finding balance as you learn the art of mothering is your mission. It’s not always simple, and you won’t be the same person you were before. You will be enriched by the experience of parenting this little bundle, your emotions expanded and your worldview changed.